Me and My Porcelain Cat

February 18, 2008 9:59 AM

My interest in old etiquette books is not some random hobby that I chose because 18th century farming techniques and extreme kayaking were already taken. And no, it's not because I am the queen of all things correct. No, there's a deeper, somewhat sicker explanation for the appeal of my out-of-print how to manuals.

You know how housewives stuck in suburban Toledo love to watch Sex and the City or anorexics salivate over Nigella Lawson pontifications on chocolate? Well, as somebody who's a bit of a klutz in matters of decorum, someone who's prone to taking things personally and churning over recent events in her head and wondering what possessed me to do/say that stupid thing, there's comfort to be found in flipping open one of my old books and finding the magic recipe right there, and under a heading such as CHARM IN CONVERSATION or PRIVATE AFFAIRS or even SOUP. It's not hopeless! There is a way! I just need a little more time, that's all.

I don't really want to get into the specifics of my latest and greatest regret, but suffice to say: here's what I should have read at the outset of this weekend:

The really good talker has something to say, but his success lies in making others want to talk as well as to listen, and they go away with a feeling of having had a good time. He does not do all the talking himself.  How can you get people to talk and to talk their best? First, you try to hit upon something they will like to talk about, which is easy if you know or can discover a topic in which they are interested. Use a little courtesy, put their interests before your own. Is there something the acquaintance you are with now was doing or planning the last time you saw him? You can begin there. "How did the radio you were making turn out?" "Did you have a good time on your camping trip?" Soon you will be discussing something that both of you can get excited about.

If your question brings on an indifferent response, try another lead. Tell something on yourself perhaps--"I just did the craziest thing." Don't be discouraged if for a while your companion shows about as much enthusiasm as a porcelain cat. He is probably not unfriendly but timid and will thaw as soon as you can put him at ease.

--This Way Please, by Eleanor Boykin

This entry is in Deep thoughts - Comments (33)

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